Of Tom, Dick and Harry

A post I wrote during the summer in Delhi - but for some reason failed to post...

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My efforts in Bombay directed towards wasp deconservation are now, of course, legendary on this blog. (For the late starters - see here and here). Wasps, like humans, are ready to take over every possible part of the world. And so, my tryst with wasps continues in Delhi.

In our bid to make the veranda more hospitable for our own kind, nests of wasps (who decided that our chimes made for a very nice home) were removed. Also, we sealed off with cement the hole in the wall above the fan where a few pioneering wasps had decided to bring into effect the concept of a nuclear family.

The joint family wasps were, for all practical purposes exterminated. However, city life (or its wasp equivalent) and its associated dangers invariably toughens individuals. Enter: Tom, Dick and Harry - the three nuclear-family-loving wasps who had survived the cement onslaught, possibly because at the time of the cementing they were in one of the neighbouring watering holes getting silly on ... (whatever wasps get drunk on)

Another important piece of information re: wasps before I proceed - wasps deprived of their families (albeit nuclear) and their erstwhile homes (albeit a little cubby hole above our veranda fan) do not make for good company. This is especially brought to the fore when a lethargic, slightly overweight, afternoon-coffee-drinking, career wasp-deconserver wants to enjoy the pleasures of the fresh air in the veranda under the fan.

Tom was the first to go. Hit by a blade of the fan in his attempt to reach his castle, he lethargically fell towards the ground, dangerously close to my frowning face. Having learnt my lesson in previous battles, I reached for the ET and with one good whack slashed the erstwhile wasp population of our house by one third.

Harry was the next to go. Nonetheless, before going, Harry provided a significant breakthrough in my quest to prove certain basic facts of life. In this case, he proved my fundamental hypothesis about all creatures on this planet - that they cannot be both beautiful and smart. Despite being a fairly large creature compared to, say, an ant or a baby earthworm or a non-firang mosquito, Harry's good looks and shiny yellow tan had deprived him of adequate grey matter. Tom's demise apparently failed to light any sort of spark in Harry's brain and he gallantly (but without adequate thought) took up the challenge of fulfilling Tom's lasting legacy of fighting to access the cubby hole.

A single smack from a blade and Harry was ready to limp away from the battlefield himself. However, I am a worthy and battle-hardened adversary and I have learnt that a wounded wasp is often the most dangerous. But since he was well on his way to join Tom, I needed but one swipe from the TOI to ensure that Harry received a soldier's farewell.

That left only Dick and following my observation on the lack of wasps' brain power is, I made my first mistake of the battle and assumed he wasn't going to let the departure of his comrades discourage him from picking up the baton. However, I had tragically failed to notice that he was not as beautiful as Tom and almost certainly ugly when compared to Harry. This error cost me dearly when on a fantastic and stunningly quick manoeuvre, Dick opted for a swooping descent aided by the tail wind from the fan, and managed to leave his mark on my back with a piercing sting of his...ermm...sting. 

I naturally retaliated with boiling blood and ET in hand and left Dick severely wounded before asking the Mother to tend to what was quickly turning into a rather large injury spot. 

I was, however, not prepared to make my second mistake of the battle and I returned to the field with my beloved ET - and brought to an undeniable and brutal end the erstwhile wasp population of the house.

Thus passed Tom-the homemaking imbecile, Dick-the gallant General and Harry-the beautiful one...