Scene from a few Thursdays ago - Thursdays being everyone's favourite lunch day because we get cheese pastries in the canteen food. These are known to the outside world as quesadillas. This scene is comprehensive - no dialogues have been missed, nor has the gist of any dialogue been altered or omitted, although the exact words used may have differed.
Part I of Scene
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Random Man in Quesadilla Line: (After having closely and annoyingly observed my mannerisms and my chat with a colleague) Are you from India?
Me: (Recalling the Mother's "don't talk to strangers" speech (even if they're Indian?)) Ermmm....yes
Me: Sweet corn, peppers and aubergines please.
RMIQL: Where in India?
Me: (with the are-you-still-here eyes) Errmmm...Bombay.
Me: (Noting RMIQL's expectant expression hoping for the obvious counter-question, but also noting the uninviting chicken on offer. The ever-sharp brain comes to my rescue) Can I have the quorn/tofu please?
RMIQL: (Now pointing to things intermittently as he speaks) What are these called?
Me: (Still thoroughly polite - not yet saccharine) Baingan - they call it aubergines.
RMIQL: What are these called?
Me: (Still somewhat polite) Peppers
Me: Yes, cheese please. And some jalapenos.
RMIQL: What is this?
Me: (*Abbey salle - chup reh na do minute. Mujhe apna Q ka preparation ko monitor karne de*) Sour cream.
RMIQL: Ah, yes - I've had that. What is this?
Me: (*Aaaarggggh*) Guacamole.
RMIQL: (Justifiably bewildered expression - not that I care anymore)
Me: It's made from avocado.
RMIQL: (Satisfyingly, an even more bewildered expression)
Me: It's interesting. Go for it if you've never had it.
Me: (Vigorous Italian shake of the hand) NO! No guacamole please - just sour cream. No corn on the cob.
RMIQL: Really?
Me: (*Will you shut up about the guacamole?*) It's good, you should try it. (knowing fully well that the guacamole we get is downright awful)
RMIQL: (Annoying unbelieving expression)
Me: (*silent grunt*)
Me: (Mood improving on seeing the Q coming off the toast) Yes, eat in please.
Part II of Scene (2.5 seconds after end of Part I)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
RMIQL: So, what visa are you on?
Me: (*WHAT THE BLEEDING $&£#??*) Ermmm...ermmm...(genuinely scratching my head to recover from neural shock and jog my memory) I have an entry clearance.
RMIQL: (condescendingly, with increasing levels of aggressiveness) NO! NO! That cannot be a type of visa - what type is it? Are you on HSMP - which is now Tier I? Are you on a student visa? Tourist VISA? WORKING HOLIDAY? WHAT?
Me: (*WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU??*) Errmm....I have a work permit (feeling somewhat clumsy and a deep regret that its the best answer I can offer, rather than what I actually said in my head)
RMIQL: (disinterested now) Ah ok...
Me: (Taking my plate) Thanks.
Me: (to RMIQL) Rrrright....see you (wishing soon after that I knew RMIQL's real name so as to ensure adequate retaliation for the fact that in my desperation to run away, I had failed to notice that the chap at the counter had just served me a double guacamole dollop and no sour cream at all to go with my cheese pastry)
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