The Random Man

Scene from a few Thursdays ago - Thursdays being everyone's favourite lunch day because we get cheese pastries in the canteen food. These are known to the outside world as quesadillas. This scene is comprehensive - no dialogues have been missed, nor has the gist of any dialogue been altered or omitted, although the exact words used may have differed.

 

Part I of Scene

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Random Man in Quesadilla Line: (After having closely and annoyingly observed my mannerisms and my chat with a colleague) Are you from India?

Me: (Recalling the Mother's "don't talk to strangers" speech (even if they're Indian?)) Ermmm....yes

Me: Sweet corn, peppers and aubergines please.

RMIQL: Where in India?

Me: (with the are-you-still-here eyes) Errmmm...Bombay.

Me: (Noting RMIQL's expectant expression hoping for the obvious counter-question, but also noting the uninviting chicken on offer. The ever-sharp brain comes to my rescue) Can I have the quorn/tofu please?

RMIQL: (Now pointing to things intermittently as he speaks) What are these called?

Me: (Still thoroughly polite - not yet saccharine) Baingan - they call it aubergines.

RMIQL: What are these called?

Me: (Still somewhat polite) Peppers

Me: Yes, cheese please. And some jalapenos.

RMIQL: What is this?

Me: (*Abbey salle - chup reh na do minute. Mujhe apna Q ka preparation ko monitor karne de*) Sour cream.

RMIQL: Ah, yes - I've had that. What is this?

Me: (*Aaaarggggh*) Guacamole.

RMIQL: (Justifiably bewildered expression - not that I care anymore)

Me: It's made from avocado.

RMIQL: (Satisfyingly, an even more bewildered expression)

Me: It's interesting. Go for it if you've never had it.

Me: (Vigorous Italian shake of the hand) NO! No guacamole please - just sour cream. No corn on the cob.

RMIQL: Really?

Me: (*Will you shut up about the guacamole?*) It's good, you should try it. (knowing fully well that the guacamole we get is downright awful)

RMIQL: (Annoying unbelieving expression)

Me: (*silent grunt*)

Me: (Mood improving on seeing the Q coming off the toast) Yes, eat in please.

 

Part II of Scene (2.5 seconds after end of Part I)

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RMIQL: So, what visa are you on?

Me: (*WHAT THE BLEEDING $&£#??*) Ermmm...ermmm...(genuinely scratching my head to recover from neural shock and jog my memory) I have an entry clearance.

RMIQL: (condescendingly, with increasing levels of aggressiveness) NO! NO! That cannot be a type of visa - what type is it? Are you on HSMP - which is now Tier I? Are you on a student visa? Tourist VISA? WORKING HOLIDAY? WHAT?

Me: (*WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU??*) Errmm....I have a work permit (feeling somewhat clumsy and a deep regret that its the best answer I can offer, rather than what I actually said in my head)

RMIQL: (disinterested now) Ah ok...

Me: (Taking my plate) Thanks.

Me: (to RMIQL) Rrrright....see you (wishing soon after that I knew RMIQL's real name so as to ensure adequate retaliation for the fact that in my desperation to run away, I had failed to notice that the chap at the counter had just served me a double guacamole dollop and no sour cream at all to go with my cheese pastry)

Of Tom, Dick and Harry

A post I wrote during the summer in Delhi - but for some reason failed to post...

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My efforts in Bombay directed towards wasp deconservation are now, of course, legendary on this blog. (For the late starters - see here and here). Wasps, like humans, are ready to take over every possible part of the world. And so, my tryst with wasps continues in Delhi.

In our bid to make the veranda more hospitable for our own kind, nests of wasps (who decided that our chimes made for a very nice home) were removed. Also, we sealed off with cement the hole in the wall above the fan where a few pioneering wasps had decided to bring into effect the concept of a nuclear family.

The joint family wasps were, for all practical purposes exterminated. However, city life (or its wasp equivalent) and its associated dangers invariably toughens individuals. Enter: Tom, Dick and Harry - the three nuclear-family-loving wasps who had survived the cement onslaught, possibly because at the time of the cementing they were in one of the neighbouring watering holes getting silly on ... (whatever wasps get drunk on)

Another important piece of information re: wasps before I proceed - wasps deprived of their families (albeit nuclear) and their erstwhile homes (albeit a little cubby hole above our veranda fan) do not make for good company. This is especially brought to the fore when a lethargic, slightly overweight, afternoon-coffee-drinking, career wasp-deconserver wants to enjoy the pleasures of the fresh air in the veranda under the fan.

Tom was the first to go. Hit by a blade of the fan in his attempt to reach his castle, he lethargically fell towards the ground, dangerously close to my frowning face. Having learnt my lesson in previous battles, I reached for the ET and with one good whack slashed the erstwhile wasp population of our house by one third.

Harry was the next to go. Nonetheless, before going, Harry provided a significant breakthrough in my quest to prove certain basic facts of life. In this case, he proved my fundamental hypothesis about all creatures on this planet - that they cannot be both beautiful and smart. Despite being a fairly large creature compared to, say, an ant or a baby earthworm or a non-firang mosquito, Harry's good looks and shiny yellow tan had deprived him of adequate grey matter. Tom's demise apparently failed to light any sort of spark in Harry's brain and he gallantly (but without adequate thought) took up the challenge of fulfilling Tom's lasting legacy of fighting to access the cubby hole.

A single smack from a blade and Harry was ready to limp away from the battlefield himself. However, I am a worthy and battle-hardened adversary and I have learnt that a wounded wasp is often the most dangerous. But since he was well on his way to join Tom, I needed but one swipe from the TOI to ensure that Harry received a soldier's farewell.

That left only Dick and following my observation on the lack of wasps' brain power is, I made my first mistake of the battle and assumed he wasn't going to let the departure of his comrades discourage him from picking up the baton. However, I had tragically failed to notice that he was not as beautiful as Tom and almost certainly ugly when compared to Harry. This error cost me dearly when on a fantastic and stunningly quick manoeuvre, Dick opted for a swooping descent aided by the tail wind from the fan, and managed to leave his mark on my back with a piercing sting of his...ermm...sting. 

I naturally retaliated with boiling blood and ET in hand and left Dick severely wounded before asking the Mother to tend to what was quickly turning into a rather large injury spot. 

I was, however, not prepared to make my second mistake of the battle and I returned to the field with my beloved ET - and brought to an undeniable and brutal end the erstwhile wasp population of the house.

Thus passed Tom-the homemaking imbecile, Dick-the gallant General and Harry-the beautiful one...

Of boredom and more confusion

My country is going mad...see here and here to share my confusion.

Of Exhaustion and Bewilderness

I figured that events across the space of the week leading up to and the one after the new year deserve mention.

That having been done, I also thought my new found (and not necessarily momentary) spare time and the absolute lack of ideas of what to do with it deserve mention. Even so, certain additions to my collection of 'things to make noise with' have definitely livened up the evenings. It also emerges that a clean and orderly house is highly overrated and is not nearly as interesting or as people make it out to be. Truth be told, the old house was infinitely better...there is always a positive side to a mess.

In other news (precious little that there is), I have discovered that drain unblockers are a bit of a sham, that my iron works fine when the Elder One does not use it and that my body is, in general, breaking down and that I need to get myself fit.

P.S. the new F1 cars look rubbish...and are probably going to be very similar to the A1 nonsense.

Here endeth the rant...

Of Situation

After what appeared to be a gentle reminder of the fact that I am no longer in NYC, this morning I logged onto everyone's favourite networking site and told the random part of the world that I am now in London.

As much as I'd like to analyse and read into how and what made me do so a mere 4 months after shifting to London, I suspect I may have better things to do with my Saturday. (Gasp if you must at its implausibility)

Instead, a little reminder from Chris Cornell for those of us going through not so happy times:

Even when you've paid enough, been put upon or been held up
With every single memory of the good or bad, faces of luck
Don't lose any sleep tonight, I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do

Get out of my city...

Last year, we academically explored how distance (physical or otherwise) tends to magnify the perception and/or impact of human rights violations. Ironic...

Bless you, Bombay - don't give in...

Music Education - Class 3

I know I have been somewhat inconsistent with the timing of my classes. I do hope that 'madness, gallivanting and laziness' offer my students adequate chronological explanation for my failings!

Today's choice of song is Orion by Metallica off their 3rd album - Master of Puppets. The obvious choice of track from any one of Metallica's first 3 albums is usually the title track off Master, but in light of the fact that I'm hoping to educate those unused to blatant screaming, I use Orion.

Orion is one of the best metal instrumentals that I know of - up there with Transylvania (Iron Maiden), Call of Ktulu (Metallica) and the endless list of Steve Vai's guitar solos or even some of Dream Theater's stuff (although I know a lot less about the last). One of the great shames of the commercialisation / mainstream-isation of metal is that you no longer hear 8 and a half minute epics like Orion. Iron Maiden is one of the few bands which continues to write longer songs. I always feel that its a huge challenge to write a 7, 8, 9 minute song which keeps the listener interested. That becomes all the more difficult when you don't say anything through lyrics and its why good metal instrumentals are so rare.

Listen to Orion. When you're done, I'd advise listening to Call of Ktulu. Even my most soft-hearted (and soft-eared) readers will appreciate these.

By way of a history lesson, Metallica blew open the metal stage in the early 80's. They were basically nothing more than a bunch of kids jamming in a garage. No costumes (no spandex on stage!), no big pyrotechnics (not until later, anyhow) and lots of alcohol. There'a a great deal of debate on this, but I've always felt that their first 3 albums (Kill 'Em All, Ride the Lightning and Master of Puppets) showcase their best as a band - true metal. If you have decent speakers / earphones - pay attention to the bass in Orion and how Cliff Burton, the bassist (who died after the first 3 albums) dictates the movements in the song to a large extent. That is conspicously missing in their later work. It also gives you a feel of how critical bass is to metal / hard rock.

As an exercise in scientific research - try and find a poor recording of an Iron Maiden concert where the bass is overpowering (or in the case of all you lucky ones, turn your mind back to their gigs). Compare that version to the studio version and you will see how much work Steve Harris actually does and how he dictates the melody patterns. If you don't know which song to look at - Run to the Hills is a good place to start. I'll try and do the needful if I can myself and post the links.

Until the next class...

Shocking...

The past couple of days have been odd. First, in view my stagnating skills, I had my first real session trying to learn to actually play the guitar again without much luck. As it turns out, the electrician in charge of wiring our beloved house, amongst various other eccentricities, also had an aversion to earthing lines. As a result, my guitar provided me with periodic surges of current whenever my hands brushed the bridge. Thankfully, news of Kiddo's latest foray into the musical world made up for that, even if she hasn't been regular with her blogging.

Second, I visited one of those overpriced movie theatres (again) to watch a Hindi movie for the second time this year. For fear of public ridicule, I shall not openly name either of the movies. Suffice it to say that whereas I survived one courtesy of consistent sarcastic comments between us, I survived the other thanks to amusing cameo roles, the odd well-portrayed minor character and above all, Bombay nostalgia.

Third, not for the first time in the life of the Sridhar boys, I have decided to try and catalogue our books. God bless my soon-to-be-asthmatic lung.

Of age and relative youth

You know you're getting old when:

1. Kids you call...well, 'kids', are worrying about employment rather than petty politics
2. Your idea of a good time is an hour on Marine Drive with good, bad or even no company
3. A drinking session with someone you call 'Sir' isn't that alarming
4. You've lost touch with that idealistic streak and have taken to a daily tallying of your finances and predicting your financials over the next year instead
5. A large proportion of conversations with people your age revolve around the date of, planning of or lack of a future marriage
6. You dive for cover everytime you see someone you need to make PC with, no matter how important the person can be to you
7. A relationship is just the same as one of those ridiculous figures like 1000 degrees centigrade or 1 million light years. You'd much rather curl up with a book and music rather than see what it really means
8. People ask you what you're up to now, rather than what your career plans are
9. You think about giving real money to College
10. As long as you have something useful to do during the day, 4 hours of sleep is enough

Au revoir Bombay...may I never feel the need to change my location on this blog.

Update...just an update

I dare say this post's a tad overdue. And while stories of my various adventures gallivanting across India might fill up a few pages, I'm not terribly keen on getting that down into type. So I find myself with writer's block - wondering when I might actually get some productive work(?) done this month.

On my summer to-do list were three simple things:
1. Exercise
2. Learn how to play the damn guitar
3. Write something

I'm a clear zero on all fronts this far. Unsurprisingly. What's truly worrying though, is the abject lack of counter-intertia. I like inertia. Usually moving inertia., but any will do. Right now I feel like a lump of clay. And quite honestly I'm beginning to look like one too. (well - if a cartoonist had to sketch me, anyhow).

Project for tomorrow is interesting and will hopefully take place. V1 has agreed to try and put together an easy chair made from corrugated cardboard. If it works, it may look very similar to my first easy chair in London.

Perhaps I will restart Music Education 101 tomorrow as well.

Get done Get done Get done

It's absolutely amazing how I can punch out a well drafted 3200 word answer to an exam in 5-6 hours and how an 8000 word paper has been stuck at its nascent stages for over 5-6 weeks. I've had it...I really have. I carry myself through these final 45 hours with the comforting knowledge that I will never again have to submit an academic paper on a deadline. Further comfort is found in the Elder One's similar writing block and yearning for practical work!

I promise

I promise I will never take another classroom course again...ever.
In return for this deed of immense generosity, o' kind world, grant me the B minus' I long for this term...just don't make me study anymore.

Give me a drink...a large, potent one

Barcelona 0 - 1 Man Utd
res ipsa...

Rant...literally

Another sporty post. What are the odds that I'm going to really worry about missing the Champions League Final on 21st May because its graduation day? The odds are not on whether I'm going to miss watching it (I am going to miss it), but whether it will mean anything. Lets take a look:

Barca have now won 1 of their last 7 league games. We beat Schalke unconvincingly in 2 legs of a CL quarter-final. We've lost to Athletico (badly), lost to Villareal (who are now favourites to take away 2nd place in the League), drawn with Almeria, lost to Betis (after going into half-time 2-0 up), drawn with Getafe and Recreativo (relegation team) and drawn the derby match with Espanyol.

ManU are in impeccable form. On their way to another Premiership crown. Destroyed Roma in the quarters. Injury free'ish.

I liked it better when we were struggling for a place in the UEFA Cup a few years back. This is promising the world and giving you that little island which is the 2nd furthest from the Intl Date-Line on the Eastern side and which no one really wants to visit... C'mon...C'MON....C'MOOOOOON - for god's sake this is a ridiculous turnaround in the season. Its just annoying....

Here endeth the rant...

Pull the Plug, will you?

I wish I had the inherent ability to BS. I'm in the middle of a dreadful drafting slump after the diarrhoea that ensured I got my previous paper out in time...

I'm hoping for at least 2000 words today.... please???

Tips are welcome...

Informed Worries

People who know me best will know that I have a severe institutional bias, particularly when I form a part of that institution. I came across two things that got me thinking about transparency in the system and the random janta's right to accessing information.

First, I logged onto Wikileaks for the first time. I had, of course, heard about the project previously but for some reason, had never really got on to take a look myself. After a quick browse, I got to the India page and found this, which it turns out is an MoU between Kingfisher Airlines and Airbus for the purchase of 60 aircrafts. Unfortunately, there is nothing on the document which indicates who the lawyers were, but I'd be sure that there are a few ulcers going around after seeing this document out in the public domain. (Unless it was deliberately released - unlikely, no?)

The second was this - which is a letter from the Editors' Guild to the IPL. Those with strong views on the BCCI's activities and other sundry concerns will now be pleased to know that they can bomb Lalit Modi and Sharad Pawar's personal inboxes.

When the Right to Information issue blew up in India, I was more fearful than excited. I have no sympathy for bureaucratic sloth and the RTI is a good way to keep a check on that, but at the same time it often becomes impossible to efficiently run an organisation (leave alone a country) where almost everything you do is open to the scrutiny of 'busybodies, wayside interlopers....' (can't remember the quote - awful). I know...I've been there. Even the best of motives always rub some people off the wrong way and that little curtain separating what you need to tell people and what you don't is often the critical difference between being able to achieve something or not.

For the record - I was excessively opaque...

Phew!!

The title of this post is uninspiring, but there is no other way to describe this afternoon's football.

After the rubbish against Betis and Getafe, one would have thought today's game would be a good way to get back into some sort of flow. Instead Barca ended up finding a new low. Horrible, atrocious, disastrous, unispiring, terrible, DIRTY(!!) football - both up front and at the back. ManU is going to be a pretty stern test if this nonsense keeps up.

Puyol misses the ManU game at the Camp after a stupid yellow and Milito and Marquez will have to step up, because Thuram was absolutely terrible as well - he looked lethargic and just coudn't keep up with the Schalke forwards. Zambrotta is going have to pick his game up if he's going to try and contain Ronaldo. And Marquez is going to have to do very well to get back to full fitness to keep Rooney out.

Henry and Eto'o were absolutely pathetic up front. I don't think Henry has quite adjusted to the huge pitch at the Nou Camp and the 3-man frontline. I think Rijkaard might do well to give him a run out as sole centre with Gio and Bojan flanking or even Eto'o on the left with Bojan on the right.

Despite all the support that Rijkaard is getting from Juan Laporta, I think the only way he's going to keep his job is by winning the C.League. The League is lost after squandering one chance after another to overtake Real and one bad game put us out of the Cup as well. I'd hate to see him go - I think he's done a super job building this team- but something's gotta give...

For the Animal Lovers

AT took Kiddo's concerns about hitting penguins to heart. He scoured the cyberspace high and low before he found this game and asked me at least 5 times over the course of 12 hours to post it here. I find that it tends to be less addictive than the penguin game because of the luck factor involving those springs everywhere.

Maiden Photos

I've been meaning to do this for a while - but I've just been tied up. After due pressure in the cyberspace from SM and a throughly unproductive day, here are some of the better shots from the Maiden gig. I'll blog about the whole thing when I get some time. The photos are in 'small' because it takes forever in any size larger (the problems with 6-7 megapixel cameras), but click on them and they'll blow up on your screen for a better look.

Iron Maiden - just before or after Eddie walked on

The Trooper with Mr. Dickinson playing jackrabbit and running all over the place dressed as an English soldier.

Iron Maiden - Eddie

2 shots during Rime of the Ancient Mariner - my favourite song for the evening.

An excessively excited me before the gig while we waited for the fateful bus (long story).

Footnote for this photo - remarks on the hair are best left unpublished...

Democracy - Is it time for Zim?

The little faith that I possess in a democratic system's ability to influence actual change was given a huge boost when Pakistan told Musharraf how it felt a couple of months ago. Zimbabwe now has a chance to do the same, with far more to gain in the process. Can it's people do it for their TPLAC (Yes Minister joke!).

Also, how likely is Mugabe to allow a fair election?