What AM I doing?

A critical question that I keep asking myself. In a sense, where is it all going? What is the desired end result and is there any movement towards it or is it the proverbial journey that life is and the incredible laxity that we display, happy in the knowledge that it doesn't really matter - after all, its all a journey, isn't it?

Call this pre-exam (very close pre-exam) stress venting if you must....

So this is state of studies:
CPC - 1st reading nearly done...bit of execution left, and caveat.
CrPC - 1st reading over, revision 1 tonight, revision 2 tomorrow, exam day-after...or tomorrow in an hour
IOS - the worrisome one...lets leave it at that, shall we?
IL - 3 days...nothing done...3 days!

Horrible state of preparation this time round...never been so poor, except perhaps Sem II - discovered I had to read an entire book that I hadn't read as yet the night before the exam!

What an amazing 5 years. I think above all else, its been a phase of development. If you ask me what Section 77-A of the Companies Act says, I'm unlikely to answer (its buyback of shares if I recall), but then it doesn't matter. I'll take these 5 years with a cherry on top without any education. And yet, I'm only a tenth of the way there. The question is where? The way things are going...I couldn't be moving further away from the promised land, however blurry it is. But then again, its been done before - if they can do it, why not me?

Wondering about how I'm going to be able to crack these exams, I've decided I can't, so I'm cutting my losses. As SDP once told me about his roommate the night before his Anatomy exam, the guy had basically given up on passing and started playing games on his computer. I'm tempted, but not suicidal...not yet anyhow, not to mention that I don't really have games that are worth spending any time on. Give me a couple of exams' time - to get suicidal ie.

The Rhodes interview debacle has been confirmed today. Considering current stress levels, its effect hasn't really shown up much on the graph. Looking forward to the next couple of months in my life. My schedule as it stands today:

7th Dec - Last exam...am going to get drunk with fellow hostel'ites...that's the plan though. Will probably end up in my room sleeping.
8th Dec - Back to work. Need to be a good boy so that I can take the next month off.
15th Dec - End of work (if I'm let off). Depart for Giridih..can't remember the last time I used a train.
24th/25th Dec - Depart Giridih for Delhi.
31st Dec - Depart Delhi for Bom (New Year's on the Rajdhani...oh Joy!).
8th Jan - Court re-opening. Need to take another week off.
14th Jan - Jessup memorials submission deadline. The reason I need the week off.
15th Jan - Back to work
26th - 28th Jan - Jessup national rounds in Madras. More days off...Boss is going to be mighty pissed off.

Was mentioning to PS on one of our evening walks that I'm dying for a month to myself. She wasn't being particularly dishonest that evening - "No chance", was the general gist of the response. Was wondering whether doing Jessup was such a good idea, when I could have had some time on my hands if I wasn't doing it. Don't know if I've still got it in me to put in a month of 18 hours (certainly didn't have it for the exams!) for a moot. Time will tell. Motivation doesn't seem to be a problem, though.

And so in the end, where does it leave me? Don't know...can't care at the moment. Ride the wave when you can, because you never know when the authorities might install wave-breakers.

"Bitter mouth swollen at last,
A diary not read out loud, a blast
from behind but a face no more,
I pick up pieces of my shattered doors.

And I don't want reality"

-That's mine